i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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