I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
