Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
