It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
