I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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