wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
