well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
