if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
