"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Randomize
