She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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