do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
