It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
