I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
