I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
