Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
