I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
