It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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