Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
