cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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