Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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