I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
