I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
