dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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