Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
