I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think I died a long time ago.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
