took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So here I am, sexting at work.
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