he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
