Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Someone shit on the floor
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's shark week go big or go home
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
