my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
