got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
