I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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