but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
