I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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