pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
