No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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