She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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