i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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