My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
