We're facebook friends in real life
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
