Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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