You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
