Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
