the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
