thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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