haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
