Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
