Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
