this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
