When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
