omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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